David Bernstein ‘A Mixed Bag of Blood’ Review

Written by: Myra Gabor

This is a collection of ten short stories. I can’t tell you too much about them, because they are really short and too much information will just give the endings away.

The Trojan Plushy – Brad Raling’s wife and daughter were killed and the murderer set free by a jury due to a recalled breathalyzer. A technicality. Brad wants the revenge denied him by the legal system. Brad’s neighbor, the crazy old lady ignored by everyone, brings him an apple pie with a note inside: “if you want vengeance, go to a certain address on Cremlock Lane”. (Don’t you just love the address “Cremlock”, so close to hemlock). Brad paid dearly for his revenge, but it was a price he was willing to pay.

The Booglin –Imagine a booger in your nose that’s alive. This booger started out as a germ made by the government in a secret laboratory. Carelessness managed to lose it into the general population. This booger is angry at you since you managed to dislodge him and throw him down the bathroom sink. The nameless booger wants revenge. But first he has to get himself out of the drainpipe.

Eaten Un-Alive – Vampires vs zombies. The undead are in a war over dwindling resources. That means their food supply which happens to be people. Ever wonder which one would come out on top in a battle; the vampires, the zombies or the people? Read this story and you’ll have a good grasp of which ones could win.

It’s Not Nice to Have to Share – I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a conjoined twin. But that’s what Georgia and Sally are.  Like it or lump it they have to share everything from the tv shows they watch to the new friend that Georgia has. They don’t like it, but what is she/are they to do? Georgia comes up with a solution. For sure it won’t be to Sally’s liking.

Invasion – If the Earth is going to be invaded by space aliens, I think we all have a picture of ourselves, well armed, fighting nobly to protect our homes and loved ones. At least that’s the view of ourselves vs aliens that I have from movies and books. David Bernstein’s view of the invading aliens is a lot more down-to-earth, namely cockroaches. Most of us don’t like to think that they’re all around us. If we do come across them, we like to spray them with the nearest bug killer. A thinking cockroach is, well, unthinkable, except to this author.

Samurai Zombie Killer – A story of honor and dishonor, brother against brother. One is a samurai, loyal to the emperor. The other dabbles in the black arts and has managed to create a zombie army out of his villagers. Can the noble brother defeat the wicked brother, and, if so, at what cost.

Small Town, Big Trouble – What do decent people do when they are tired of protecting their town from a marauding monster? Most sensibly, they decide to kill it. They should have done a more thorough check before taking action.

Bad Cutlery – People like to go to yard sales and pick up bargains, like a used kitchen knife. Some things have to be paid for with more than money.

Potty Mouth – So, your kid has a bad mouth. You don’t know who he learned it from. No matter what you do, he just will not change. How to teach him a lesson – if you’re a witch you can easily find the appropriate punishment. This story was very detailed when describing what little Peter suffered at his mother’s hands. Funny, but still a little hard to read.

STD – Meet a pretty girl, have a good time in her bed and wake up with a pus filled pimple on your penis. Extreme pain but manage to pop the zit, ask the girl if she has any disease she might have given you and be forced to apologize, basically for being an idiot. Of course the pretty girl didn’t give you any strange illness overnight. Of course not.

For some reason, the Table of Contents is at the end of the ebook, so that trying to read whichever story we feel would interest us becomes a bit of a problem, but Mr Davis doesn’t hit a false note with any of his stories. My only complaint is my jealousy at not having his imagination. Most of the stories have humor in them, all of them show people coping with situations they couldn’t ever have imagined. Do yourselves a favor, buy this book, read it and enjoy it.

Order it right here.

Rating: 5/5