Navi’ Robins ‘The Curfew’ Review

 

Written by: Mack Moyer

The following line of dialogue appears in this novelette: “He got a little titty action too and (he) didn’t even need any Mardi Gras beads to see them chesticles! Mary’s Gone Wild, Worldstaaaar!”

If that’s not enough to convince you not to buy this book, you’ve likely missed your medication, or perhaps you’re the author’s mother, who very possibly could be the one behind Curfew’s fourteen five-star reviews on Amazon.

Ah, but before I drag you good people through the atrocity that is Navi’ Robins’ book, first let me lament the state of the writing business. Sitting in bed next to my wife, hungover and just as regretful about life in general as I always am, I decided to buy a new book.

I typed “horror” into Amazon’s search fields and Curfew appeared at the top of the page with a four-star rating and a nifty cover. Not one to be fooled, I clicked on the preview. The absence of any coherent prose on the author’s part was evident. Yet the novelette was free and I am somewhat of a masochist.

If you are too, I’d suggest this novel over nipple clamps or that leather strap/metal bar thing, you know, the one with the handcuffs and the butt plug on the end.

Curfew and novels like it are what’s wrong with the publishing business. Somewhere on Amazon right now there is a competent self-published writer attempting to garner enough honest reviews to make his novel visible.

Instead of seeing that person’s work, I saw that of Navi’ Robins, who has padded his short novel’s rating with inauthentic reviews – the result of review swaps, pay-for-plays, or his mother’s doing, I’m not sure – and benefited from whatever analytical fustercluck Amazon used to somehow bring this almost unintelligible garbage to the fore.

This novelette reminds me of the phlegm I spit into the empty beer can on my bed stand when I wake up in the morning.

It’s the horror-literary equivalent of boil-popping videos on Youtube. If you were to give a fleeing Syrian refugee the choice between Curfew and another day of watching ISIS cut off his neighbor’s head, he’d obviously read Curfew, but it would be close.

Rating: Zero stars (or 5 bursting boils out of 5)

 

Also, I will not take part in the littering of Amazon book lists by providing a link to this trash.